


Staring out the window like I'm not your favourite town

by versti_fantur



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crystal is sad and has feelings, F/F, Lesbian AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24377263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/versti_fantur/pseuds/versti_fantur
Summary: Crystal leant out of the window of her college dorm, a blunt dangling loosely between her fingers as she slowly exhaled, the cloud of smoke spiralling upwards into the cloudless night sky like long fingers grasping for the stars so far out of their reach. She nibbled at her lip, hoping the pot would kick in soon and make these horrible feelings go away, and stop twisting in the pit of her stomach.Guilt.Regret.//Or, the Crygi post-breakup fic neither of them really wanted
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd
Comments: 8
Kudos: 30





	Staring out the window like I'm not your favourite town

**Author's Note:**

> I,,,, havent been feeling great today. This is my therapy. I hope you enjoy <3

Crystal leant out of the window of her college dorm, a blunt dangling loosely between her fingers as she slowly exhaled, the cloud of smoke spiralling upwards into the cloudless night sky like long fingers grasping for the stars so far out of their reach. She nibbled at her lip, hoping the pot would kick in soon and make these horrible feelings go away, and stop twisting in the pit of her stomach. 

Guilt.

Regret.

She took another drag and fiddled with the old friendship bracelet tied around her wrist, the colours long since faded but she couldn’t bear to take it off. It had been years, and she didn’t even know how it hadn’t fallen apart yet, but there it was, between the bangles and beads that decorated her arms. Looking at it used to bring back fond memories, but now they only hurt. The blunt burnt her lips, but she barely noticed, too busy ignoring the trembling of her hands and the tightness around her throat.

She missed her.

She’d promised herself she wouldn’t; high school romances never lasted, not in real life, and their break up had been mutual. New college, new people, new life. They didn’t need anything tying them back to their old Missouri town. But when she made coffee, why did she still always take out two mugs instead of one? Why was Gigi’s name still the first one she’d click to send a meme to, or to call when she was upset? 

But she never pressed send, or dial. She couldn’t. Because they’d promised each other they wouldn’t. It would be easier that way, they’d decided. But if that was the case why did her heart hurt so badly?

The blunt had burnt itself down to her fingers, and she dropped it as the sensation drew her from her thoughts. It made a small scorch mark into the window ledge, and she rubbed over it with the sleeve of her jacket. 

Nothing happened. 

She reached into her pocket for another joint, but it was empty, and she sighed, shutting the window and falling backwards onto her bed. The sheets were cold, and new—she’d bought them with Gigi on their pre-college shopping trip, and she hated how she couldn’t even sleep without being reminded of her. She wanted to throw them away and buy different ones, with no memories attached, but she had no money. She refused to acknowledge how removing parts of Gigi felt like removing parts of her own soul. 

She hugged her arms around herself tightly, shivering despite the heat of the September night. She hated sleeping alone, had barely done it in years. She’d been so used to having Gigi there every night, her long arms wrapped around her waist, tracing swirls onto her stomach to make her smile, that an empty bed almost frightened her. And yet the idea of sleeping next to anyone else felt wrong. 

Felt like a betrayal.

Beside her, her phone buzzed, and for a split second, the hoped it was Gigi. But it wasn’t. It never was. Heidi had texted the group chat about a round of drinks at a nearby bar, and she tapped out an apologetic no before turning her phone off and tossing it onto the chair opposite the bed. Drinking wouldn’t be fun. Not tonight.

She curled up onto her side, staring at the wall that was devoid of any posters (they went against campus regulations), not realising she was crying until her vision started to blur. She hastily wiped them away with her sleeve before the sheets became damp, but her eyes burnt, and the lump in her throat made it hard to breathe. She could get through this. She could get over her. The pain wouldn’t last forever. But it felt as though it were tearing her apart.

She didn’t know how to be a person without her.

She didn’t know if she wanted to be.

Running a hand through her tangled hair and rubbing her eyes, she curled up tighter, biting her lip hard to keep from crying again. She was strong. She didn’t need Gigi. With a shaking breath she closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep. But even that didn’t offer an escape, because Gigi filled her dreams like a whirlwind, a supercut of their lives which had been woven together for so long. Crystal couldn’t stop the silent sobs that shook her, the darkness of her room a comforting blanket of nothingness.

All she could do was hope tomorrow would be better. Would be another day closer to forgetting about her.

Would be another day closer to being free.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos make me happy <3 I hope you're having a great day, ily


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